Our society maintains a lot of expectations about the accomplishments a person should achieve and when it should happen. Then check with your family member: Is this what it is like for you or is it different? Giving them something to use in comparison, but providing them the opportunity to think about and express their own experience may be a helpful place to begin to improve their understanding as well as yours. The more you familiarize yourself with the wide range of autistic experiences, the better chance of finding perspectives that might resonate. Instead of making assumptions, listening to other autistic voices can provide an invaluable window into a loved one’s experience. Your autistic family member may not be able to articulate exactly what they are feeling or they may not yet understand it themselves, especially if they are very young. But rather than allowing this idea to become a platitude, it’s important to really think about the key reasons why paying attention to autistic perspectives directly should be a fundamental part of learning about and understanding autism. The saying “nothing about us without us” is common in the autistic community and the disability community more broadly. Finding accurate, helpful information isn’t always easy, but as you decide where to turn your attention, it is critically important to listen to autistic voices. A neuropsychologist might hand over a packet bulging with materials, or Googling “autism” will turn up thousands of sites. Many parents and family members of newly diagnosed autistic individuals find themselves overwhelmed in a sea of information.
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